What I want to be and who I am,
is not necessary the same thing. Because I am not unique I think we probably all have an idealized version of who we would like to be.
In fact, when you realize just how far apart the two versions of ‘me’ are it can be downright embarrassing.

Recently a little quiz on Facebook (no, I shouldn’t, I know) confronted me with the differences between Wannabe-Me and Reality-Me  in 10 questions and left me with the knowledge that the real me is very nice indeed but a long way from being as nice as I would like to be.  (My vow to be honest in everything is sticking but making life sticky) Sugar Plum Fairy!!!! (1960’s version of s**t!). We're back to expectations...
Doesn’t it always come down to this? Wherever we look in life we find expectations running up against the brick wall of reality and the impact hurts. Sometimes it’s a bruise, sometimes trauma of the lasting kind.

How do we manage to distort reality in our tiny little minds to the extent that we have these ideal families, ideal jobs, ideal figures and ideal lives to live up to or achieve, while the reality is so very different? Not worse, not better, just different?

 

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Looking into my meditation flame this morning
I noticed that there was a slightly vaguer version behind the flame, at first it looked like a halo. Then I saw it was actually a reflection of the reality: weaker, smaller and less brilliant. The flame itself moved, glowed, flamed and bent to the atmosphere. It was alive. The reflection was, in every way, a lesser thing. And I thought: this is what your expectations of ‘you’ actually are: a lesser thing.

The real you is a whole being with good, bad, ugly and beautiful aspects. When you look at what you THINK you should be, or what others tell you to be, you are looking at the lesser being. Smaller, vaguer, less flexible, less colourful, less alive. The you that you are is a larger, fascinatingly complex, larger and infinitely more brilliant reality. And the whole you is flexible, pliable and worth getting to know.

It’s NOT about changing yourself.
It’s about recognizing all of you, accepting all of you and then using the parts of you that you really like.  Not accepting the bits you don’t like will not make them go away. You can hide them away but they will just go underground, like a splinter that you don’t look at and pull out: it goes under your skin and festers. So look at your bad bits: take them out, expose them to the air, put them in a place where you can keep an eye on them and then get on with the good stuff.

vlamenbril Is it as simple as it sounds?
Basically: yes. You need to really look at yourself, all of you, to really see who you are. When I looked at the meditation flame and saw a halo, I was not actually wearing my glasses. No contact lenses. The edges of life are blurred then, prettier. it's only when you look at life through the clearest lenses that you can see and accept the reality. And then you box the stuff you don't like, label it and put it in the attic. And you go with the parts you like. You wash and polish and water and cherish and love the good bits, practice and enjoy. And there you are.

So who are you?

You are who you want to be. Wannabe-Me and Reality-me are all there: You have it all: beauty, intelligence, kindness and happiness. USE IT!!!!