As soon as I move back to the path of being the me I like to be it's as though life says: "Hey you! Listen up!" And the thought or insight I need gets hammered into me whether I like it not. This week I have been hounded by TRUTH. Scary, like Halloween monsters could never be. We are terrified of the truth. We avoid it at all costs from the day we are born. And we die with lies on our lips: the lies of unspoken love, fear and indifference.

Somebody accused me recently of being intimidating and dominating about my diet and the environment. OYYY!!! I instantly admitted it might be true. I felt bad: hurt and insulted but also slightly guilty. I wondered why I couldn't just enjoy life like that other person: no soul-searching there!  They show self-destructive patterns and misbehave in a way that hurts me and here is old Grumpy: always on a diet, always telling herself how bad stuff is,  über-critical and just too serious to be any fun. Luckily sanity prevailed and I thought: uhhh, wait a minute? How did this happen? That conversation was calling that person on their behaviour! How did it get to be about me? And if I was telling them how their actions hurt me, how come they are continuing in that behaviour? How come that behaviour is still hurtful and destructive and my harmless food choices have suddenly become a cause for guilt and shame?                                                                                  

You have to laugh at the ease with which we are manipulated. Our ego is always so fragile that others can unerringly squeeze the bit that will hurt most and bingo! They are off the hook and you are left hanging and hurting. This, in every inter-human relationship, is where we find that Truth has been lost. 

Causing someone real discomfort, physically or mentally, is not acceptable. We need to be able to say so, to tell the truth. If they think I am dominating and intimidating: shouldn't I look at myself too?  It's all very well to say: it was just an argument, I didn't mean it. But if you say it, you probably thought it:-). And why shouldn't I take a look at myself? It is also a learning moment . This is listening to their truth, giving them space for that.  Can we say the truth without being unkind? Can we hear the truth without getting hurt? If, after I look at myself I say: hey, sorry you feel that way but deal with it, I am what I am, that's great. Maybe a tweak here or there or maybe not. Or I can think: dang! I am banging on. Time to tune down. Also good. This is a space where we accept their truth and our own truth. 


Taking responsibility
Watching an Abraham Hicks episode on YouTube last night (go here  and stick by it or go to about 9:00 and watch till she goes off into one of her convoluted chants). She talks about causality which makes us part of whatever happens: we all bear a shared responsibility for creating the environment in which things happen. So say, (this is my own analogy) you lay your purse on the counter and turn away long enough for someone else to steal it there is a shared causality: the shopkeeper distracted you; you laid your purse on the counter, that person was so hounded by life that they started making bad choices and so on . Doesn't mean people have a right to steal your purse. But it is your purse, you have to take responsibility for it, right? (And the shopkeeper should know not to distract a customer who wants to pay: see what happens? Their purse gets stolen, no sale!)

Causality in relationships means you have a part in what goes on.
I had a close family member who was unkind, arrogant and downright nasty. Her attitude, I used to say, had poisoned my life. It took me 30 years to discover I had lost the battle for her love 30 years before, right at the beginning of the relationship and it took another 5 years for me to find the guts to leave the battlefield. Well hello Mel, where were you all those years? Now, twenty years on and I have learned where she comes from, where I come from and how we can intersect without anybody's ego getting damaged in a collision. I learned her truth and I learned my truth: she isn't really much changed but now I hold the responsibility for my side of the relationship in my own hands and so I can steer us/me into a better place.

We start telling lies at a fairly early age in life. Just as we are told lies fairly early on.  My grandson feels that we, the adults in his life, condone lies by telling children lies about Santa Claus and the Tooth fairy and Saint Nicholas. He has a point: the disappointment on learning the truth is often quite acute (and very often the gifts stop coming, even worse). And we have taught them that a lie, in some cases, is acceptable.
{Which it could be but that is another discussion and we'll get back to it:-).} 

 

But, truthfully, how often do you tell a white lie to avoid what you feel is an unacceptable truth? When we consider how lies are woven into the very fabric of our lives (hey: a lie is sometimes called a fabrication!)  it is logical that we become more and more scared of the truth. And our children grow up accepting that they are lied to and can and may lie too. Truth is considered criticism, unkindness; hurtful and therefore not to be used. We call it tact, the social lie, a white lie and other evasive terms. But it is untruth.

We need to (re)learn to face the truth: just as Santa Claus doesn't exist, the perfect partner, friend or sibling doesn't exist. But if they can count on you to tell the truth and you know that they are telling you the truth, then that relationship might still not work but there will not be the disappointment of mommy sneaking into your bedroom to steal the tooth and there goes the fairy. There will not be the let-down of discovering you have lived a lie.
There is only one truth for you to live by: your own. That can mean we live parallel lives with our truths close enough together but strong enough not to get into a tangle. Sometimes that can mean a relationship doesn't work: time to face the truth and leave each to their own truth, be it a friend, a family member or a partner. Give one another a break. This might be painful but it is always better than living a lie.. Because once you ignore the reality, the hurt of disappointment and betrayal starts. (Like opening your eyes to find Mommy stealing the tooth and what about the TOOTH FAIRY?!?)

Ram Dass says: if you say something that hurts me, it's on you for saying it. But it's on me for feeling hurt; I must ask myself: why am I letting this hurt me? Why CAN this hurt me?

The truth should not hurt. It can irritate the heck out of you. It can anger you, but it should not hurt. It can uplift you and move you to change. It can carry you, move you on to new thingss and, once the truth is known there will be relief from the stress of living the lie.

My Chakra meditation today was the Throat Chakra, where Truth and Creativity are activated. I prefer to see Truth and Sincerity together here. My yoga affirmation (#Yoga Camp with Adriene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUJW1Kd4zik) was: I am alive. In the meditation (as I already wished you in my New Year's wish) I came to this conclusion/affirmation: 

I live my life in Truth and Sincerity

So where does Creativity come into it? I think we can use our Creativity to make the Truth palatable and in doing so, our Sincerity will help us to make choices that will fill our lives, and those around us, with Truth, Sincerity and Creativity.

 

Namasté