Alter: my other Me

  • Published: 21 April 2017

We all have an 'alter-ego' and some of these voices in our head are pretty mean. They drive us to drink, insanity, depression and into doing nasty things that the other side of us does not like at all. These other sides of us reside in our mind and wake up regularly to tell us how inadequate we are, fat, ugly, dumb: you think of a negative and that voice in your head will have it down to a fine art.

Not-Christmas Wishes

  • Published: 11 December 2016

Hard Times

The last 2 weeks, as those of you who know us intimately have been able to read, have been very bad. I can’t say the worst of our life because hey, distance fades pain and agony and we're human, with all the attendant drama. But bad this definitely was. We are not really out of it yet, either. Himself has been through several serious/critical phases through these weeks and is frail, so we can only sit next to him and nag him into getting better. But this morning my thoughts crystallized through the fear, pain and sorrow:

Karma on a bicycle

  • Published: 22 June 2016


Yesterday I fell off my bicycle. True as bob. At the cost of a scraped shoulder, irritated hip, stiff neck and a headache courtesy of the handlebar that whacked my temple,  I learned a couple of lessons. Why I needed to learn them I don't even WANT to know. 

Resetting the Reboot-You can always start again

  • Published: 11 April 2016


Starting Over

This morning I incorporated a new mantra into my life: YOU CAN ALWAYS START AGAIN. Every minute of every day you can start again. Reboot. Reset. Take a deep breath, stuff the mistakes in a bag "to visit at some stage" and start all over again.

I did this morning. I needed to because I had already sabotaged a really cool idea and there were 2 options: forget about it, buy chocolate and sink into blissful slothfulness or forget the abandoned meditation, the late night snacks and the double sleeping pill and go new game.                                                           

I wanna reboot
The fact that you are reading this means I went for the new game. The game is this: Himself was off for 8 days of sailing. Home Alone yaaaay! Normally that means bad food, soppy books and maybe chick flicks. But:

I have had a nasty 2nd half of winter: depression, fibromyalgia: you name it, I got it. Eye infections, skin infections, sore wrists, ankles, knees and brain. Enough already: I need a reboot. This week would have been great for some comfortable commercial retreat that didn't involve 4:00am meditation and walking meditation in the rain and single beds in shared rooms and, God forbid, a shared loo.
But those were the only ones on offer so I had a totally brilliant idea: I would make my own retreat at home. Cool idea, don't you think? DIY Mind, Body and Spirit reboot. The Universe was on my side: by coincidence I had Mindfulness Yoga lesson, Vipassana Meditation Course, Communal Meditation, yoga outdoors, and a Chakra Reconnaissance Day all in this one week. It was meant to be.

DIY Retreat
I had planned a fantastic kick-off. Last night I was going to drop Himself off at his ship and shoot off to the Communal Meditation, but in all my planning I forgot the weekend. The weekend with grandchildren, a family dinner, walks in the Tidal park, endless cooking and walking and talking and the drive to Amsterdam and back. Cook dinner. Take Himself to the ship.
By the time I got back from all that I crawled out of the car, a broken reed. My will-power was overwhelmed by exhaustion. I cancelled meditation, made a double batch of single batch fudge and collapsed on the couch. The rest is not pretty. We won't mention
 the reading till very late and the snacking which necessitated a double sleeping pill. Just be assured I woke up this morning fairly annoyed with myself. I lay in bed and thought through the day. I thought of abandoning my reboot and nipping out to buy chocolate and just giving up. I thought of a week of unbridled junk food, no exercise whatsoever and hiding from everybody. Mostly hiding from myself.

I got out of bed, made tea and coffee and pulled up that hopeful, optimistic little schedule for this week. And here I am, back on track. The track is going to deviate every now and again. But I'm going to get most of it done. I made the reboot smoothie to end all reboot smoothies.This post is the 1st of 2 for today. I've yoga'd and meditated. I've waffled on the dietary choice: I still don't know if I want to try a week of veganism. A waste of the steak left over from last night. I can freeze it or eat it. Choices, choices.  But I'm here and I'm playing. 

So can you. Whatever goes wrong you can start again. You can make a mistake and say: oh boy, my bad, let's try this again. What did I do wrong? How can I fix this so that it works for me? 

My bad was stuffing too much in one weekend and expecting an already overloaded system to be good and take the abuse endlessly. And the revenge of the Mind, Body and Spirit that is me is AWFUL! I'm going to have to adjust my neat little schedule slightly to incorporate a nap to make up for the late night scary movie that is Mel on the rampage. 

But that's ok. I'm ok. You're ok. Now go out there, take a deep breath or 3 and start all over again. It's allowed.